BEYOND FOOTSTEPS

Now and forever

2008-06-29T21:12:00.001+01:00

We begin with life giving and we end with life taking. By taking away what was we appreciate what is. When a door closes, a window opens. But if the door never closed, would we ever open the window? Would we ever walk along the path we once castigated? An egg will prevail an egg, a bean will never become a beanstalk and dreams will never come true. So was the world painted with rainbows and butterflies to yield us with a drop of hope and a leap of faith? Or were dragons and knights a configuration of warning to tell us that life is a battle? Are dreams and nightmares worth anything if in the end we wake up and it all signifies nothing? To find that what was meant to be, what should be and what is were from opposite ends. Whichever it is, somehow we manage to find the bright light within the darkness. Just like the weather, comes rain comes shine. If you look in the right direction you will find what you’re looking for. But what would happen if the bright light weren’t what you surmised it to be? Should we be blind and feign not to see it or should we acquire what is and progress with what would be? Who will be there to tell say which is a door and which is a window? Which is a dream and which is a nightmare? Which is a butterfly and which is a dragon? Life is a perpetual marathon. Sometimes you have to stop and stare as the world elapses before you realize where you are and what you want. The journey through life stretches far beyond the finish line. Occasionally in order to take a step forward we have to take a step back. By doing this, would we be fall far behind others? Or will it be another turtle and rabbit case? We all strive for greatness and seek an ending. Days where we can sit back and reflect upon the past. Where memories form a future. The uncertain that led to possibilities. Once regret eclipsed gratitude where as lust dispersed what mattered most. People often say that happiness need not be pursued. So what about the recipe for happiness? Right time? Right place? Right moment? Right people? Do all these elements need seeking? The answer shall remain undisclosed. As for now, I shall build a future and construct a path that was once traveled by others. With this I may stumble upon the road less traveled.

Life & death

2008-05-01T23:30:00.001+01:00

We can’t escape the past nor can we escape the present. What we can do is contemplate the future but by doing this we tend to forget to make the most out of each day. I can honestly say that out of 365 days, I only make full use of 65 days. Well, one being my birthday. So what happens to the other 300 days of my life? Those days have ceased to exist with much remorse. In order to plan our future, we dream. In other words, we live to dream and we dream to live. But how many of us really dream our future? What do we dream? From my observation, we are pretty much programmed to dream the future. Much more directed to perfection than left to stumble upon the unexpected, an ending. If my mind didn’t favor the existence of my left brain, would I still “dream” of a degree? Would I actually consider a job to be my life long dream? Just by uttering the words ‘ I am taking 2 to 3 years away from studying’, I have contended with many different reactions. Some question why and some may even condemn my act. What I see is (in the words of my mum) the world is my oyster. Some choose to swallow, some choose to preserve and some choose to use the ability and freedom to concoct a pearl. As for me, a degree is not my main priority in life. It’s the experience of life that I treasure. So, why would I rush into taking a degree without knowing what lies ahead of me and without knowing what other options I posses. Don’t I worry about age? Well, a degree would only take 4 to 5 years to complete and the path is pretty much established. Would I rather take 3 years to commit myself to a gradation or contrite the next 20 to 30 years of my life? I do not cast aspersions upon the decision of others but we accomplish what we espouse and we espouse what we accomplish. There is no qualm that I may fall but by falling I may attain the unforeseen. The days that lie ahead of me will not be facile. I may cry, I may break down but I shall not let go. When we sense death around the corner, that’s when we know that we’re alive and what used to be is merely a fantasy. By sensing death, we appreciate life and the only abscond from life is death itself. How many of us can deflect with irony and return without malice? What many of us would rather do is gait away and never return. We allow the past to be preserved as memories and the future shall remain a dream. Where as death kills everything.

struck by current change

2008-03-23T20:11:00.000Z

Change. A word that refers to an alteration. However, often the word is interpreted as making a difference, in other words to abolish what is there in order to create something new. Therefore, when a person says I choose to make a change. Does it mean I want to alter the structure in order to build a mansion but still cherish the history or does it mean I want to abolish what was, what it portrays and rewrite history my own way? Is it possible to change without making an alteration or a difference? With this, the answer is not for me to say but change speaks for itself. What we all seek is the result of that change. As humans, change is not always greeted with a big hug. We all agree to disagree, we all deny the facts and we all avoid facing the truth. Whether it is a life change, status change or even sex change, changes take place with a blink of an eye. What takes a life time is the acceptance of a change. The term dyke was first printed in the year 1920’s where as the term gay was used in 1929 to imply homosexuality and the first country to introduce marriage of the same sex was Netherlands in the year 2001. With in approximately 80 years, changes took place but until today, almost 100 years later, the acceptance is still very misty. Like wise, in the early years, women were merely objects that wore corsets and fancy dresses where their obligation was their duty as a daughter, wife and mother not as an individual. Society today says women and men should be treated equally. Even the law today is altered in a way that women are protected from being discriminated in every aspect of life. However, the question is how many men can accept being dominated by a woman? Though the words may not be spoken but every man desires a wife who stays at home and gives up her job once they get married. Many may object to this statement but it is a fact of life. How many couples do you know that the person wearing the pants is the wife? No matter what the change is, its all about how change has affected you and where you place yourself within that change. The decision of making a change may not be easy but we all have to take that step. As for me, I decided to leave home. With simple words, many have cried with me but somehow there was a reason to smile, laugh and even just stare at each other in the eyes. For a moment I actually felt that my life was in perfect order. Everything I ever wanted was there for me and surprisingly I felt comfortable. I often question myself, why did Leonardo Da Vinci paint Mona Lisa and why do people find the painting so fascinating? Is it because he finds her beautiful or is it because he was paid to do so? As I look deep into the art, I realize that Mona Lisa portrays many of us. With eyes that symbolizes a combination of both fear and sadness, a smile that somehow found its way into the picture and hands that rest so comfortably, Mona Lisa has now inspired me in so many ways. How she managed to gather these four senses I may not know, what lies beyond the smile, I can’t say but if she can smile so can I. For now, everything has come as a shock to me, including the weather. However, I am currently searching for myself within these changes, seeking for the sense of belonging.

open road

2008-03-11T15:45:00.003Z

Taking off from my comfort zone and touching down in the land of possibilities was the journey I took to pursuit my dreams. Never an easy decision nor is it an easy route. To leave behind both love and hate, to walk away from memories, to begin the unknown and to unveil my path, I find myself landed in the land of sudoku and ipods where I hope to inspire myself to touch cloud 9. After a long flight and a backache, I managed to find the strength within to carry on but keeping in mind that with each right decision I make, people will always await the wrong one as with each right step comes a left. With every step I take, both tears and fear falls upon me. In a place where my name shall be hard for the first time but shall be remembered for a lifetime, I build a future from strength and confidence. To say I don’t miss home is a lie, to say I don’t cry is an even bigger lie but to say I use each tear to defeat fear is the truth. Pictures are worth a thousand words. For me its worth more than words, its worth a lifetime. Each of us seek the future, each of us dream of the future and each of us chase the future. We all remember the past, we all regret the past and we all learn from the past. We all go through many and different paths of life, each path may have its own flaw. However, when one path collides with another, a purpose of life shall arise. For now, I do not know where my path is headed nor I do not expect anything to be easy but I do hope there will be an outcome of it all. The occurrence of a warm breeze would hoist me off the ground. With this, the support and encouragement given is much appreciated. As I switch my gear to reverse mode, I realize that I would not be the person I am today if it weren’t for those who have inspired me in so many ways. Either my family, my friends or even those of the unknown, the only words that comes to mind is thank you. These inspiration comes in many different forms, sometimes by acts and sometimes in words. Either by risking yourself for the sake of others, by boarding a plane that is headed to a foreign land (several times), by tolerating an act for the sake of love or by taking charge to stand for what is right. All this has made its way to become a part of me…Aliyah Rashid.

in this world,this journey, nobody it alone

diploma vs a-levels

2008-03-07T14:33:00.002Z

the complicated system of education that even the educated confuse themselves. Is there any use going through the whole system when at the end of the day all you want is money,time and family for some.
Note: click the title to view link

memories

2008-02-27T11:53:00.006Z

true or false

2008-02-09T17:12:00.000Z

Words that frequently ring in my ear, “study, work hard, have a job and you will be happy”. These words are usually uttered by those who are aged, not old, but aged. The reason I listen to them, with age comes wisdom, so I thought. But how many of us know people who work, possess a family, earn money, may not be rich and are actually satisfied with what they have without a single iota of wanting more. As far as I know, people think of quitting their job as frequent as me thinking where am I headed next. Surprised? Well, I shall greet you with a warm welcome to the real world. When the words above retire from a persons mouth, what the brain considers is that its what’s best for the other persons ears but what the true heart’s desire is actually time and money. Have the words above just blind folded the youth by placing a fogged fantasy upon ones mind. If so, has going to school and studying fulfilled its purpose as all we want is time and money, not a job. We all know that school is no where near our second home, if it was, my home would just be hell. However, if I didn’t go to school, I shall not be the person I am today. To encounter teachers is not a burden but to disregard their words is an achievement. With this I thank those who have made my life at school a true journey. Why? Ask yourself , are you actually virtuous from verbal castigation, either from teachers, family or even friends. I know for sure verbal abuse has been my daily routine. Again, surprised? Its either about your results, how come others can do what you can’t and getting punished for some obtuse reason. What we really have to realize is that we are all individuals. Which means everybody obtains a right to posses a character of their own. I didn’t go to school to become what others already are. I went to school to find the person within me, to seek the gift and not the flaw. When we find ourselves strayed we tend to seek guidance from others. So, we look for those who seem to have the acquaintance and the know-hows to provide you with such needs. However, how many of us took the advice given by others all because you think they so called ‘know what’s best’ for you. How many of these ‘advice’ that has been given, taken and ended up being wrong. Taking this point into action, I soon realize that humans were made in such a way that all we do is think of ourselves. People go through many different courses of action and resolution just to acquire gratification. How people say they lied or kept it a secret to “protect” you. If this is how a person defines ‘protection’, I shall wonder how they may define love. More lies and more secrets? If the world language was to be love, then I shall say we will all end up getting hurt by love itself. However, I believe that love may hurt but it may also cure. As we try to be human beings just by being humans , love is more likely to hurt than to cure. Although I may be backed up by my family and friends, I shall always stand alone in this battle I call life and to survive this life, I shall stand on nobody’s ground but my own. When I encounter a person smiling, I shall always remember that ‘there’s daggers in men’s smile’ and if I ever contend with a person sniveling, I shall always remember that everybody has the ability to turn a frown upside down. Life is life but you can always turn it out to be what you want it to be, it lies no where beyond your palm. Its always about you…

yesterday is today(part II)

2008-01-27T08:33:00.000Z

those who have done what they want to do without fearing the judgement of others,who have also earned my respect just by doing that:

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fish out of water(i know he is just a cartoon)

cat in a fish tank

yes...this is a cat

boy who likes flowers...flower boy!!

Home

2008-01-22T18:08:00.000Z

Often related to a place of birth, ones territory, a place to call your own or the most comfortable place to sleep. To many of us, there is a point of time in our life where we wonder when will the day come to finally leave home just to spread your wings and broaden your horizon. Saying goodbye to curfews and hello to freedom. The liberty that leads to infinite wants and needs. Timeless time that belongs only to you and need not be limited by others. To posses the most precious sensation of all - a sense of belonging. Desiring to be bewitched by love but evading a broken heart, building the future and fulfilling the dreams. Hoping that the beatings earned as a child has endowed you well enough to survive in the real world. Frequently bewildered between the beast and the warrior, what is right and wrong. But often find yourself lost in your own world. Though we do not realize, no matter how far you go, you will always find yourself right back where you started, home. As water shall always find its way to the roots. The only existing road that is so flush which offers a journey free from precariousness where the desideratum of doubt would be considered gratuitous is the road home. A place where tears and happiness would not be peculiar nor shall anger be any discrepant. Through the ups and downs of life, home is where we belong. A magnet that shall never loose its magnetism. We are liberated when the time is right but if we get too far, we are pulled back. Our life is pretty much like an open book, written as time goes by but only published when we push up the daisies. A life filled with fantasy is no satisfaction but life without satisfaction is no fantasy. Each day at home has been taken as a letter, a beginning, an end and memories that shall ponder upon us without biting the dust. Home is the heaven on earth. Home is where you can be yourself without fearing judgment. You may fool the world with a mask but you may not fool your heart nor can you fool your family. A home has formed me, with the inauguration of me, a home has been built. When you turn around, you will always be the person you were. As for me, I shall always be Aliyah Rashid, daughter of Noraini & Rashid and the sister to Shahid, Zahir, Muhaimin, Sumayyah and Samiyah.

yesterday is today

2007-12-31T16:17:00.000Z

Every year we grow a little taller, a little wider, hopefully a little smarter, a little wiser and a year older. This seems to be a very common routine in everybody’s life from Britney Spears to George Bush and no doubt, me. However, what would all this mean if in the end we are left with nothing. The gain in height, weight and age resulted nothing more than depression and amnesia. What belonged to us last year has been swept away from us just like dust on the ground. Does this mean that although we all fear judgment, death, failure, truth, but what fears us most is life. Is it better to strive for greatness or to maintain as a rider trapped in youth. Many of us deny the truth which is often associated with pain. Many of us take each step with caution and make judgments upon others. Many of us forget that we are only humans living the life of God’s servant. Our expectations exceed our ability and our ability does not achieve our expectations. Our dreams reach cloud 9 but fails to unite with our destiny. So, what we are left with is what we have. Do we just preserve it or should we use it to create what would last an eternity. Thinking back to the past where by if my ancestors kept the love they shared between one another to none other than themselves, due to the fear of rejection, then what would be left of me today is evanesce. Therefore, should I take the risk of bearing the discernment of others in order to fulfill the pleasure of my soul or should I conceal what lies beneath the skin. Sometimes being different is not all bad. If others can bear that risk, why not me:

(i will attach the pics in my next post)

A pronouncement we all have to make is to choose to endeavor in the dark in order to die as a legend or to prevail in light and perish as mere objects. We choose our path, we endure the consequence, thus, we determine life. If fate lies no where beyond our hands, we shall not fear life but we fear ourselves. Wishing that if we all wore our hearts on our sleeves, then, we shall be veracious to ourselves. A clear face is despicable without a cloudless heart. As such, life shall not only be about me and you. Its all a matter of living for what you believe in, body, soul and mind. As much as we hate it, we are what we are today because of yesterday.

rainbow and gold

2007-10-21T17:41:00.000+01:00

What is it meant by the phrase 'there is a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow'? does it mean that we should not worry as wealth and success blossoms as frequently as a rainbow? or do we have to strive to achieve our desires as a rainbow does not form with a blink of an eye. Gathering each raindrop shed by a cloud in order to form something so simple yet precious. A simple tear drop that is often ignored by people like you and me, whose power is underestimated by those who are obtuse. Fact is that a drop contains more power than a human does. With the size none bigger than an ant, a clear tear drop could multiply itself into 7 different colours. As for me, it takes a whole lot of effort to even multitask, what more multiply. Therefore, does a rainbow symbolize a persons dream? A way of God to remind us the reasons to live and die for. A dream is much like a rainbow. It takes passion, competence and resolute but sometimes turned down by the doubt of a person. As doubt invades our dreams, a dream shall not fade until you doubt yourself. As such, a pot of gold awaits each and every one of us.

As a rainbow consists of 7 colours, does this mean that options always await us. That the failure of one dream does not make us a failure of life or the journey through life is not made up by a single road but a combination of many. If one journey fails we could heal by switching to another. As the journey through life never shuts down, what lies ahead is the future that only you can paint and the past the only you can heal, shall we ever cast doubt upon ourselves as God never shuts his door upon us. For many of us, our dreams do exists but dreams we do not live. But for all of us, a pot of gold still awaits us.

bits and pieces

2007-09-29T11:06:00.000+01:00

There is a moment in life where you feel that the only thing in life that is right is that everything is wrong. What you were so certain was your hearts desire has now become your body’s intricacy. What you thought was happiness has finally revealed its true beauty…grotesque. Is this just a phase of confusion or is this the time where all the cards are placed on the table and suddenly the pieces come together to form what you thought would be your worst nightmare. Everything you every loved has made no sense to you. All of a sudden you feel that the world has betrayed you but the one thing that betrayed you is yourself. What you dreamed since you were a little child never belonged to you but dreams are actually poison injected into you to fulfill the desire of others. To free your soul and to fly like a bird where the sky is the limit is known to be a crime. The art of expressing no longer matters to anyone. Little pieces of dust meant nothing but by meaning nothing, it is something today. The main character of your life is you but wishing to play the role of another can never be denied. Taking a bite of bitter and a sip of sweet once in a while never balanced the nutrition of life. But you only followed your gut instinct, to put the truth aside, blind and paint a smile over the sadness. To express your true feelings would make you a clown in the eyes of the earthlings. So you played your role as directed. To deny the truth and polish the lies and to hide your secrets and to reveals others. It’s just the circle of life. Ignorance is bliss.

small means big

2007-08-12T15:08:00.000+01:00

I have been a traveler for 18 years, living for what is true, practicing what is right and pursuing what is desired. A humble journey called life which has yet to end but yearning to begin. Each day, a sniff of the morning glory fills my empty soul with alleviation. As I live for today and I shall die another day. Armed with religion, blossomed with confidence and raging for glory, I prepare myself to face the vicissitudes of life unaware that with a blink of an eye, it all ends. Scared by the past and healing for the future, I realize that the big things in life is worthless but the small things in life is priceless. Achieving great things in life is what I desire but what truly matters is the journey of achieving. Looking back at the days where simple things in life made my parents so proud but impossible today, never realizing that steps taken would mean more than the steps I am taking. As the first steps taken in your life when you were a little child would have much bigger meaning that your steps today. Often confused by the eclipse of the heart, not knowing the true meaning of love or the reason to live, I pick up the tiny pieces in life to mend in hope to achieve what is truly desired. Broken and lost, giving up should never be an option. However, how many times do I have to stumble, trip and finally fall? It is never a ‘once in a life time’ thing. Falling deeper than deep and often found broken, I avoid being blown out with a single puff. Blessed with hope and faith, the will to live shall never die. Taking each and every step with caution, I learn the power of a simple thing called ‘smile’. As the journey of life continues, touched by happiness and gifted with love, what matters truly is how life has touched you. A journey which much involves tears and happiness shall never fade, as so, the past shall never be forgotten.

Midnight

2007-06-30T12:43:00.000+01:00

The beginning of the end. Clock strikes 12, in sight is the darkness brightened only by the moon light, howling of the wolves echo in your ear. Visions of the past flash upon you like it all happened yesterday. Your heart beats faster than your breath, regretting what has been done and relieved with what was done. What lies a head matters no more than what lies beneath you. This is the moment that has been foreseen and never forsaken…apocalypse.

To live or to die, we do not choose. Do we make sins or are we sinners? This all depends on what you live and what you die for. To live just for the sake of living or to emphasize on what we truly believe in. The world is much anticipated but our acts are capricious. Driven by lust, overruled by hatred and filled with selfishness. God doesn’t punish us for we castigate ourselves. We were meant to heal but we choose to hurt. What’s done is done and what we do, we do with prudence.

However, we often question ‘why me?.’ Live with it or deal with it. Everything happens for a reason so what happens to us is only for the better. Sometimes, to cure pain is to endure pain. Know what is right, feel what is right and practice what you preach. So, instead of questioning ‘why me?’, we should say ‘why not me?’. For every time we fall, we rise higher. For every mistake, a lesson is made. Take what we have for one day we may loose what’s yours truly. Every minute of everyday and every moment of every minute can make a difference. At the end of the day, we all knock on heavens door. Importune forgiveness and contrite sins.

when night falls

2007-06-04T17:23:00.001+01:00

When night falls, darkness creeps upon daylight. However, so does fear. Sad to say, I am one of those people but I often wonder why? People often get the wrong perception of darkness. They say darkness or the colour black symbolizes evil. But to me, it is the fear of knowing the obvious just like a wall painted black. What lies beneath it shall never be exposed as black has the ability to wipe out or to hide things. Darkness has another effect towards people. We all seem to avoid darkness though it is just a dark alley, a dark corridor or even a dark room. We just don’t like it! But why? To me, it is because beyond the darkness is the unknown. All of a sudden our senses become so alert that even the gush of wind that passes through our hair seems to shaken our body. The inner strength we conceive seems too weak to defeat fear. There’s always light at the end of the tunnel so no matter how dark it is, we still hold on to hope but we fear that we may vanish with the darkness and to be dragged away from what we truly believe in.

One mans dream is another mans nightmare. To some, falling into a deep sleep is a dream but to me it is a nightmare. The end of a day leads to a new beginning. However, I fear sins that I may have done in a day and the consequences of it all. A new day is a new beginning but the end is still the unknown. I fear that tomorrow is worse than today. Has today made me a better person so tomorrow I have less sins to bare or today hasn’t changed anything? My path has yet to be made but it could end tomorrow. Therefore, I choose to treasure every moment I have and to take advantage of time itself…time and time again. I shall fear darkness. I shall fear sins. But what I fear most is death. And who shall I seek for guidance? The one and only…GOD.

about me

2007-06-01T17:57:00.000+01:00

since pictures are worth a thousand words,

this is me and my fellow dino-buddy at genting

may houdini rest in peace

ms. fluffy or me-lovely or muffy

the all time fave...earings!!!

the owh..so..satisfying...ice-cream...

the one 'n' only..drop-dead-gorgeous...

screaming is not always the solution!

It's all about being yourself and not somebody else.

God never leaves you..!

Hate

2007-05-29T13:54:00.000+01:00

There are 2 types of hate. To be hated or to hate others. As different as they might sound, they both source from the same roots, anger. Master Yoda from Star Wars once said ‘anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering’. Therefore, the only way to counter hate is to abolish all anger within you or around you. If not, either one of the parties may suffer. However, it is more likely that the person hating may go through some pain or suffering. This is due to the effect of anger towards not only our physical but also our mental state. Some people choose baring the pain from cutting themselves with either sharp or blunt objects as a way of releasing the anger. The red blood that flows out makes them feel alive and the pain makes everything worthless. However, this may become an addiction after sometime as the more they do it, the more they want it.

Self hatred is another form of anger that causes a person to hate themselves or to have anger towards themselves. This is normally caused by insecurity or emotionally in balance. Countering this anger doesn’t take much. They either cry or scream. Fearing that if their feelings are exposed, nobody cares so keeping it to themselves is the only option. Hurting the ones they love most is normally the consequence.

The fact is, the smallest thing on earth takes a whole load to defeat. Nobody is nothing, everybody is something. This makes everything matter…

To love or to hate, to forgive or to forget. Who are we to not forgive one another, to spread the love and to hate none other than hate itself. Humans are created equally so our differences should be left aside and share our similarities. Leading each other to the stairway to heaven…

note to self

2007-05-27T16:28:00.001+01:00

You scored as History/Anthropology/LiberalArts, You should strongly consider majoring (or minoring) in History, Anthropology, or related majors (e.g., African and African-American Studies, Chinese, Classics, Cultural Studies, Economics, English, French, Geography, German, Greek, Hebrew, International Studies, Philosophy, Sociology, Women's Studies, or other Liberal Arts majors).

It is possible that the best major for you is your 2nd, 3rd, or even 5th listed category, so be sure to consider ALL majors in your OTHER high scoring categories (below). You may score high in a category you didnt think you would--it is possible that a great major for you is something you once dismissed as not for you. The right major for you will be something 1) you love and enjoy and 2) are really great at it.

Consider adding a minor or double majoring to make yourself standout and to combine your interests. Please post your results in your myspace/blog/journal.

History/Anthropology/LiberalArts

88%

HR/BusinessManagement

81%

Visual&PerformingArts

75%

Psychology/Sociology

69%

Education/Counseling

63%

Religion/Theology

63%

Accounting/Finance/Marketing

50%

PoliticalScience/Philosophy

50%

English/Journalism/Comm

44%

French/Spanish/OtherLanguage

44%

Mathematics/Statistics

25%

Physics/Engineering/Computer

25%

Biology/Chemistry/Geology

19%

Nursing/AthleticTraining/Health

13%

WHAT MAJOR IS RIGHT FOR YOU?
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five

2007-05-22T16:32:00.000+01:00

5 things found in my bag:

-lip balm
-books
-energy bar
-vitamins
-pencil case

5 things found in my purse:

-money
-photo of me
-body shop,body glove n some other member cards
-student card,i.c n other cards
-calendar

5 things in my room:

-books
-bed
-teddy bears
-study table
-laptop

5 types of human(i assume on earth):

-plain stupid
-ignorant n arrogant
-humble n wise
-100% brains
-average

5 things i always wanted to do:

-bungee jumping
-back packing round Asia n Europe
-die in peace with no pain n suffering
-sky diving
-acting with Johnny Depp

5 things i'm currently into:

-kick boxing
-blogging
-chocolate n ice-cream
-going to college
-studying

5 people i tag:

-skipping this!

LoVe

2007-05-21T15:44:00.000+01:00

The English word is love and the Malay word is sayang. However, this word would be no different than other words like sleep and eat if it is not said with passion and roots down straight from the heart. I do believe that love is a VERY powerful word. It doesn’t matter if you have six-packs or six-fats but with this word, it could make you fall six feet under or float six feet above the ground. Saying ‘I love you’ is never impossible. It’s all about being at the right moment, time and the right person. This is not only limited to a lover but also a friend, family or even God. We are always categorized by our colour, religion or race. Does being white make you superman and being brown make you cicak-man? Though we do not realize but it is the painful truth, most fights are caused by these differences. Maybe by spreading a little love this world would be a much better place to live in and maybe we all need a slap in the face because we are all one race, human race.

Ever since I was a little girl, my mind has been polluted with fake ideas that ‘prince charming’ would one day fall from the sky and sweep me off my feet. WRONG!! If ‘prince charming’ did sweep me off my feet then I would be blinded by “love” which means his looks or wealth. As we do not realize, most of us fall for sweet talkers that talk crap or good looks with empty brain. Sad to say that that is not even an inch close to love. No offence to the gorgeous guys out there. We still love looking. Back to where I was, basically, Cinderella and Snow White has taught me to look for ‘prince charming’ that will sweep me off my feet and we shall like happily ever after in a big castle. Someone please define happily ever after to me! Is it have as many kids as possible? Stay at home mum who cleans and cooks? As for me, being in love world mean two souls meet at one point and will proceed with life together, for better, for worse, in sickness and in health till death do them part. However, being in love doesn't make all your problems fly away. Sometimes religion could be a barrier to a good relationship. But impossible is nothing. Listen, learn and live. To be or not to be, that is the question. For now, it’s all about making the most out of each and every moment you have. It’s all good…It’s all love…

Endless Road

2007-05-10T17:21:00.000+01:00

Every second we learn, every minuet we loose, everyday we gain, every month we receive and every year we expect more. Is there a full stop to satisfaction? Can we ever be happy with what we have and own? This is what we call human and life. We all have hopes for a better future and to achieve what we want. A better life, a happy family, a higher pay, a bigger house, a better car and it goes on. Though we all know that we can never achieve everything in life but why do we still expect so much? We are all here at this very moment to search for what has been long lost. But how do we search without knowing what to look for? Guided by religion and led by both hope and faith, questions would soon be answered and seeking would no logger be a matter. To many people, life is a so called “journey” and a constant “marathon”. As for me, I see it as an endless road. When does it end? Where does it lead to? What is the result of it all? I leave that to the unknown but as I travel this road, I begin to realize that life isn’t just an endless road. With every step we take, we fall ten feet behind. It is not about reaching the finish line but it’s about the reasons and meaning of each and every step we take. Confusion, frustration and anger is no reason to give up. But a human is inhuman without weakness. Sometimes the one and only grip we have just slips away and the only control we have is uncertainty. Is this due to the effects of our thoughts or do we just loose it at times. Though we do not realize, something that weighs less than 2kg has many effects upon us. Our brain contains our thoughts and our mind creates our thoughts. So, do we underestimate the power of our brain or do we underestimate ourselves? Powered by our brain, led by ourselves, equipped with hope and faith and guided by religion, a person is undefeated and led to the unknown.

Fully empty

2007-04-23T15:35:00.000+01:00

Have you ever wondered what makes people do things that they don’t mean to do or say?
Nobody actually took the time to figure that out because everyone was too busy judging the actions made. People are busy talking but never really listening and they’re not willing to do so. Each person has feet of different sizes and shape so a shoe can never be the same but have we ever tried walking in another persons shoes? Just stepping into another persons shoes can cause so much pain so just imagine walking in them. A switch from trainers to heels is an easy example. But even if you walk in another persons shoes you still won’t go through the same steps. So trying to understand a persons actions can never be an easy task. So what makes people so unpredictable? Is it just a bad day or more than that? Do they sense an emptiness inside that they just have to fill? God has given each and everyone of us a body, soul and mind but not a ‘guide’. Even though we are equipped well but sometimes it all means nothing. So what if I’m alive? I walk and step on the ground but I feel nothing. The only difference between dead and alive is the flow of blood. But what if the blood flow just makes me feel numb? Would being dead and alive any different? When the feeling of numbness and emptiness combines, does anything thing make sense? Alive? Dead? So what? But emptiness and numbness doesn’t just appear with a blink of an eye. It all comes down to anger, hate and mixed emotions. For some people letting go is not an option so it all accumulates in the heart. They try to talk but nobody listens so it all comes down to actions. As it is said ‘actions speak louder than words’. Somehow and somewhere, deep down inside each and every one of us there is a little anger waiting to come out. It’s just the matter if it is negligible or not. So, do we blame people for being unpredictable or our selfishness? You can never find fault in other people but it takes two to tango.

and so it begins

2007-04-06T16:50:00.000+01:00

It’s been 2 weeks since I started my college life. It is absolutely different from life in school. In college people tend to treat you more like a person than a student under the spell of teachers. Your presence or absence is often noticed by people and your opinion is much supported when you voice it out. In the past 2 weeks people have found their own ‘clicks’ which is normally the people in their own class or people whom they’re comfortable with. My first day going there was a tough time all due to the fact that I didn’t know what to wear and how to present myself. People often say that thinking of what to wear and how to present yourself is a waste of time. But in my opinion the first impression is the most important factor. It is said that “don’t judge a book by it’s cover”. But if you first see a person you would be most likely judge them by the way they dress, walk or talk. So, does judging people make you a bad person? If people are not meant to judge each other then why are there differences between one another. For example, if you had four books that had the same cover and thickness, would you take the time to judge the book by it’s cover or just pick one up and read it then only you would judge it. So, men are created equally but we all have our + and -. If we all looked the same then maybe people would actually take time to get to know then judge. Why are we created equally with differences? Can we actually neglect the differences between one another? It doesn’t take much time to get to know a person then judge them. People have randomly mixed around in 1 week then found their ‘clicks’ by the beginning of the 2nd week and judged the others by the end of the 2nd week. So, basically the circle of life is
Look->judge->get to know them->judge them again->to love or to hate
People judge each other, groups judge other groups and lastly God judges everbody.

new days shine

2007-03-24T15:57:00.000Z

When I was small I couldn’t wait to grow up and start doing what I want to do. The end of bedtime and start going to school. But sad to say that once school started I couldn’t wait for the end of it. Day after day, time after time primary school was over and I moved on to secondary school where I was treated more like a young adult and my opinions were much respected. I met great people back then who taught me to grow up and face the world alone. A journey is never smooth so there were many challenges that gave me a hell of a lesson. Getting scolding’s from teachers was an ordinary thing to me which basically happened on a daily basis. Its not that I was bad or anything like that but when people gain a certain amount of power they seem to think that they rule the world. But all the experience in school taught me a lot and prepared me to stand alone. I couldn’t wait for school to be over and the end of school uniform but I didn’t realize how much I would miss it once it was over. In total I have been in school for 11 years and now I am turning 18. I’ve spent more than half my life in school so part of me would subconsciously miss it. Teachers became my parents, friends became my sisters and school became my second home. Now I am about to start college where I will meet more people and discover new things in my life that I didn’t know existed. Soon after that people would be heading in their own direction pursuing their dreams and building their future. I’ve learned that God adds spices and stirs my life in hope to create the perfect dish at the end of the day. The spices are the bad days and my downfalls but God stirs my life when I see hope and faith that have combined and made everything come to my senses. Questioning God and seeking the answers.

Frustration, confusion and decisions

2007-03-17T16:59:00.000Z

Frustration: it is an unexplainable feeling in a situation where I felt like my hopes, dreams and heart was just ripped out of me without any sympathy. At that point I also felt lost and it felt as if my feet weren’t touching the ground a.k.a I felt like I was dead. It also felt like every single drop of blood in my body was sucked out of my body in a split second with a powerful vacuum. Everything around me and all hopes meant nothing to me nor people around me. Cold rushes ran through my body like it was a formula 1 race and all senses in me just made no sense what so ever. I just hoped that someone gave me a hug. just a hug. Moments like this made a simple hug mean everything. But it is at this very moment that you realize who means what to you. Simple words that usually mean nothing gives you hope. You actually see light at the end of the tunnel. A wise man said to me “batman said, if you want to fly you have to fall first”. It made me realize that maybe I might not be as smart or as lucky as other people but by falling I may just turn out as a better and stronger person than I was. At this moment I also realized that it’s the people closest to me that are the ones who really care. Love and support kept the fire burning but then again fire doesn’t burn out in a single puff. “we are all destined for greatness its weather you can hold out until it comes or do you give up?”. As for me, giving up is never an option.

Confusion: It is when there are many doors open for you and you have to decide what you want for your own sake. People around you give their opinion but none telling you what to do. Each door leads to different places and options. Would you actually play safe and take the door that everybody around you takes or would you take a risk and take the door which leads to the unknown? When it concerns other people, the decision would be easy but when it all comes down to you, all doors seem to be the right one.

Decisions: I still have no comment..in the process of making mine…wish me luck!

winds of change

2007-03-01T11:59:00.000Z

Owh…gawd..12th of march…it has been 2 months and 25 days since the last day of SPM..the examination that took me almost 2 years to prepare for and only 2 weeks to complete. In another 11 days I would know if all the effort, hardwork and stress that I put in to face SPM was enough or not. Until that day, all that is in me now is mixed emotions and all the “what if’s”. People say there is no point worrying because you’ve done your best and even if you worry, nothing would change. I agree with this statement but can you ever control your feelings? Would the results bring much difference to your future? If you get good results then you are rewarded with a scholarship but if not then would your future be crushed right in front of you? As for me, I don’t think so. SPM is only a minor exam that makes you realize what your true passion is and talent. Basically, if you know alphabets and numbers spiced up with some fun sacrifice and time, then you are equipped to prepare for SPM. The thing that scares the hell out of us is disappointment. There are a gazillion of students out there that get 10 A1’s so mum’s and dad’s expect that from us which just adds the burden on our shoulders though they don’t make it known to us. It doesn’t really matter if other people get disappointed because sooner or later they would get over it but what if we disappoint ourselves? Would we loose the confidence that we had or would it be a slap in the face that would soon mean nothing?
As for me, I choose to leave it all to God and hope for the best. Good Luck!

waiting and wanting

2007-02-25T07:28:00.000Z

There is always a target in life that can change a person for better or for worse.
This target is able to play with your desire and test the strength you have with-in yourself. Though sometimes the desire of wanting it is so strong but when you finally get it, amazingly you don’t want it anymore. Does this happen because your sick and tired or waiting or your expectation were just too high. You suddenly feel that something has tourniquet you so now your left to decide between take it or leave it. Mixed emotions fall upon you like rainfall. Suddenly you feel that you’ve lost everything you had and the control you have in your own life. All litten lights around suddenly burn out and your left in darkness. You look around you and see nobody in sight that could help you. Feel like you’ve been pulled six feet under so deep that you don’t feel the ground you stand upon. You regret everything you’ve done and said. So what do you do now?? cry until your out of tears or just take a deep breath and take control of your life. Blood still flows with-in you but your soul is missing.

errors

2007-02-24T08:30:00.000Z

to whoever that reads my blog..pls...pls...ignore my spelling errors...just noticed some minor ones..thanx...

counting the days

2007-02-21T15:13:00.000Z

its been a long time since i added a post so its about time i did...
so..i went down to KL on saturday and came back yesterday...
my stay there was fun in a way but kindda boring...
since the hotel didnt give free wireless access i had to BORROW an unsecured network which was too weak for me to get connected to because i was on the 20th floor...which should expalin it all..but my days without internet was as bad as days without a phone..
if i had to choose internet or phone it would be internet...i can live without a phone but not without internet...
so anyway..when i was there i met up with my childhood friend who now studies in UIA...
our lepak-ing was fun..from KLCC we took a cab to O.U..over there we had BASKIN ROBBIN's..
it was heaven to me..i have been craving for good ice-cream for days...maybe even weeks..normally i take the chocmint but they didnt have it there so i got the flavour of the month with was GOOD...it was choc dipped strawberry..i also had the brownie something..the two ice-cream blended well with each other so basicly that made my day..
so after ice-cream we took a cab to KL centeral where we then took the LRT to PWTC which was where our hotels were..
the ride on the LRT was fun..i know for KL people its normal but in Penang theres no LRT so hopping from one to the next and thinking which route to take was an adventure to me..
so i got back yesterday and the first thing i did after eating and taking a good shower was ONLINE!finally...
so after going down to KL,train hopping and back to Penang...
today i went to queensbay with a bunch of friends which includes alex miles lim charming and gorgeous..so he says thats the direct translation of his chinese name..
after going round in circles and standing in the middle of the walkway..we finally went to catch a movie which finally came down to Babel..
it is an international movie which connects Japan,Morroco,Mexico and the states..
to get the whole picture of the movie it requires a little thinking skills but it is NOT a movie for kids..its actually 18PL but i got passed buying the tickets...YAY TO ME!!!!!

forgive and forget

2007-02-17T06:15:00.000Z

it is a very common advice that friends give to one another as a reason to move on and start something new..
but is it as easy to forgive and forget as it is said..
to forgive one another we must let go of all anger and the feeling of revenge...
so once those feelings have been left behind the next step is to forget...
but can something really be forgotten...i mean it does happen in the subconcious mind but to really forget the pain you've been through...
something could be forgotten in a blink of an eye but is it possible to forget the truth??
it is a challenge to face the truth and facts of life itself but once you've faced it could it ever be forgotten..??
is it easier to fogive or forget??
forgive=let go
forget=vanish
which is easier??
as for me it is easier to forgive but really really hard to forget..
it is a reality that humans are created equally so we equally make mistakes
so if a mistake is done...so what?if God can forgive me why can't i forgive other people 'let bygones be bygones'
but all this is a way of learning to survive life and all its flaws..not forgetting an expirience to compleating the journey through life..as it has been said 'once bitten,twice shy'

reality meets reality

2007-02-15T13:48:00.000Z

my day today didn't go as planned..
i was supposed to go out to queensbay to watch ghost rider but a reality that i thought would never happen just happend...
i was lazy to go out...i was actually lazy to go out and hang out...
all this time i wanted to go but when the day comes i'm just too lazy...
life after spm has really changed me...it just sounds really sad that i was lazy to go out...
but anyway i'll be going sometime next week i guess...but to whoever that has watched it....was it good??
i think the thrill of going out is over..i no longger have to plan cuz i can just go out...and i don't really have to think of what to wear cuz i don't care anymore...
and i don't have to wait days to go out cuz there's nothing to wait for..
i hope history doesn't repeat itself..
this is the first and last time i'll be lazy to hang out...i hope...

past n future

2007-02-13T12:53:00.000Z

since i've finished my spm i have always thought of what's my next step..
there are many doors to choose from and many people give advices and all but there's just nobody to tell you where to go and what to do...
so it's pretty confusing when people tell you different stuff..
so today i decided to check out kdu..i had to direct my mum using a map provided at the edufair but it didn't help much when the route they gave made me go halfway round penang...god knows why they couldn't show an easier way...
well.anyway..the information provided by the counselor was very helpful and gave me a clear vision of what i want to do..
all this time in school i never really had to make my own choice..i was never asked what i wanted to do or be given a chance to decide so now it's kindda though doing that
i was given homework..i had rules to control me...basicly teachers bossed me around...
but today i also realised that i missed school...i know it sounds bad but come on!
i only had to worry about exams..life in school wasn't that bad..it wasn't all colourful..i did have my bad days but at the end of the day...the only thing that matters is that i learnd a lot from there...and met great people..well...nothing ventured,nothing gained
i can't believe life with homework,school uniform,tuition,rules and teachers is over...i mean o.v.e.r!
but hey!life goes on!
i still get to meet many people..from heros to zeros to assholes and all
wish me luck!

live??life??

2007-02-12T23:12:00.000Z

what does it mean when people say 'live life to its fullest'..?
does it mean take every oppertunity you can get or take advantage of what you have??
as for me..i think its learning from your mistakes and learning to have faith in life...
there is no doubt that all of us go through shit almost everyday in our life and we always question 'why me??' but to live life to its fullest we must learn to turn the question into an answer by saying...'i gained something from that'...so what if shit happens...it would either make me a better person and improve my life or turn the whole day into shit...so what if the straw that breaks the camels back..??the important thing is was anything gained from it..
life is actually a living risk..so to live life is to 'live and let die'
on one hand we lose but on the other hand we gain
but if you had a choice to get everything you want or to grow old garcefully..which would you choose??
as for me i think to grow old gracefully is more important...
if i were to grow old..i would have to live life...which would involve shit and all that has to do with it but i believe that theres always light at the end of the tunnel..so without hope and faith a life is just not worth living